https://www.nytimes.com/2023/04/07/opinion/alzheimers-dementia-lying.html
When my father was declining from Alzheimer’s disease, one of the things my siblings and I used to argue about was whether to correct his confusions.
For example, my father, in his impaired state, expected his live-in aide to work for room and board and would lash out at her (and us) whenever he learned that she had been paid. My siblings tended to think that it was fine to lie to him about matters like this if it helped him (and us) get through one of his rancorous moods.
I fought against this practice as a matter of principle. As a doctor, I had seen how even well-meaning deception, such as withholding bad news, could be damaging. To me, a healthy relationship with our father, even in his debilitated state, could be based only on truth and trust. Small lies, even if told with the best of intentions, would undermine his dignity and erode what little connection we had left with him.
As it happens, the disagreement between me and my siblings mirrored a larger debate in the medical community over the past few decades about how best to treat dementia patients. Should the ethical demands of truth-telling give way to the everyday needs of dementia care? Or is telling the truth always the best way to uphold the dignity of patients and serve their mental health?