The problem is that their main belief system is that “feelings cause action”. So they blame their actions on their feelings. And they think that you caused their feelings. So they never have to take responsibility in their mind... But if you put yourself in their shoes, would you start hitting people or calling people mean names if you were “angry”? No, you wouldn’t. They just lack empathy and gain too much from their abuse, so they see no reason to change. Why would they change when their manipulation and intimidation makes everyone bend backwards to their will?