05 August, 2022

Please, God, Help Me Stop Missing Her

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/08/05/style/modern-love-orthodox-jewish-gay.html

As an ultra-Orthodox Jew, I tried to ‘pray my gay away.’ It didn’t work.

I was scrolling through psychotherapy memes on Instagram a few years ago when Hannah popped up in my friend requests. We each had new last names and new looks. I had decided that since I had to wear wigs anyway (as an ultra-Orthodox Jew), they may as well be blonde instead of my natural dull brown. She wore a mixture of wigs and other creative head coverings.

We “hearted” each other’s posts, not daring to break our silence with actual words.

“She seems happy,” I told myself, my fingers hovering over her photos. “Don’t start anything.”