An Interview with Ken Hoinsky | The Awl: In the real world we live in, you can't expect—for whatever reason, it's not the norm—for women to make the first move, for a woman to be sexual, you know, um, uh, the more assertive—
Maria: Initiator.
Ken: Initiator! Yeah. I'm trying to get away from words that are…
Maria: I know! Haha. Aggressor!
Ken: I'm practicing getting my PC words.
Maria: You know, you want to make it so polite, you can't say "aggressor," but the fact is… I hate to say it, but it should be a little aggressive. Because, passionate.
Ken: I agree 100 percent. The woman needs to be able to make a call as to whether or not she feels comfortable enough to be sexual with the man. And that way that that's done is not always through words and asking, because it's a turnoff. "Do you mind if I hold your hand?" you know, that's cute when you're in seventh grade, but like, for adults to be operating that way, that's not the real world….
I regret saying, "force her to rebuff your advances," I regret the wording that I used. But the spirit of it is all about giving her the power to decide. It's not forcing her to do something against her will; it's encouraging her to make the decision on whether or not she wants to continue things.